Sow: tree rat vendetta

This is not an ode to the cute, furry and omnipresent squirrel in all its varying colors (ours in North Texas are gray, by the way). If you want that, you’d better go right now to Evil Squirrel’s Nest and have a whirl around that blog. Tons of cartoons and photos. Get your ultra cute tree rat fill. I’m not publicizing those critters here.

No, this is an angry rant. A declaration of war from normally peace-loving me:

“Ok, tree rats, there are now 5 peaches on the huge peach tree. As of Friday, the branches were packed with little developing peaches. Now, there are green peaches all over the yard with one or two bites out of them. If you’re going to steal them and eat them before they’re ripe, you need to finish them. And when you do finish them, you guys keep leaving the pits where Gidget can get them. She’s going to break a tooth just like Guinness did a couple of years ago. We do not need another vet bill for a slab fracture. So as of tonight, every time I see you near the garden, on the fence, in the bird bath, anywhere in the yard, I’m opening the back door and yelling ‘Squirrel!’ Enjoy the exercise, you little bastards.”

I am not kidding.

I am furious there will be no 2014 peach jam. It was going to be the Mortroski Midcentury Urban Farm’s fabulously delicious Christmas gift. And I was so excited about spending an afternoon cleaning and peeling peaches, prepping them for freezing (it is too hot to make jam in North Texas in July), then finally making jam one afternoon in November when it’s cool enough to break out the canner, boiling water, sterilized jars, and cooling racks. It’s a production that I look forward to. It’s two afternoons of fun. And they’ve been stolen away from me. Bastards.

2013 Mortroski Midcentury Urban Farm Precious Peach Jam. Little did I know how precious it would be in 2014.

2013 Mortroski Midcentury Urban Farm Precious Peach Jam. Little did I know how precious it would be in 2014. Luckily we have two big jars left.

After my angry post yesterday, my Facebook friends have made quite an assortment of suggestions about how to ensure we have peach jam in 2015. Better dog training. Crown of thorns attached to tree. Metal object hanging from the tree that you switch up when the squirrels aren’t as afraid. BB guns. BB guns with scopes. Air guns. (Remember, we’re in Texas so firepower solves problems, y’all.)

I have defended the squirrels from the Gs since we’ve moved here. No more. I’m thinking the dogs are finally going to get their wish and taste squirrel for the first time.

Here is the gratuitous blood-thirsty squirrel hunter photo of the day:


Gidget on Saturday between three dog beds, minus their covers (which were in the dryer). Photo by Bruce





23 thoughts on “Sow: tree rat vendetta

  1. Uh oh! You are definitely not to be messed with. Squirrels beware!! Don’t blame you. I adore peaches in any and every way. I’d be mad too!


  2. I thought of suggesting bird netting…until realizing that their sharp little teeth would probably knaw right through it. 😦 Bummer.


    • Oh, I thought about it. But the peach and plum trees are huge and old. So they can’t be incarcerated like the tiny fig tree. But I may be asking for donations of tin foil and old CDs for next year.


  3. Go get them. I hate squirrels they pretend to be cute but don’t let them fool you. They are cousins to the rat. Get them 4g’s.


  4. On behalf of all of sciurinedom, I would like to apologize for this blatant disregard for your peaches. And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be heading for the hills away from the G’s!


  5. I feel for you – I don’t have any fruit trees but I am already worried about my tomatoes and when I went to the SO’s to water my lettuces (new gardening project) a few days ago, a few had been uprooted. Of course, in Toronto, not sure if its the tree rats or the raccoons…either way not good! good luck with keeping the hoards away in 2015!


  6. My favorite dog ever loved to chase squirrels. They would tease him mercilessly and were always out of reach. But he did catch one and kill it, one time. And I didn’t feel an ounce of sorry about it.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s